Blood of Life
by ZaCloud
Summary: --Set after the Acid Tokyo arc-- Fai is having difficulty adjusting to his new vampirism. Kurogane is having difficulty with his difficulty. They both do their best to cope with their shared situation. --Rated for blood and heavy angst. In progress.
1. Lost Humanity

Man, Tsubasa Chronicle has gotten so intense… I just have to develop the gap between chapter 135 and 136 a little; the possibilities and mental conflicts that certainly may have occurred beg to be written.

So, this won't make sense unless you've read that far or watched the third OVA. So…

SPOILER ALERT!!!!

If you are just reading without prior knowledge or do want spoilers… In order to save Fai, a wizard, from death after the loss of his left eye… Kurogane, a royal guard and ninja, allowed the man to be turned into a vampire against his will. Due to circumstance, Kurogane is Fai's "game", the only one who's blood will sustain Fai.

Disclaimer: All characters property of CLAMP. I'm not in CLAMP. Cuz if I were, I'd be mega-awesome, and I'm not mega-awesome. Just pseudo-awesome.

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Chapitre 125.1 - Lost Humanity

The world that the group had transported to this time was thankfully mundane, aside from its strange technologies. It gave them all time to heal from the wounds the previous world had inflicted upon them. The physical ones, at least… Emotionally, they were all shaken from what they had experienced and discovered. Sakura's wounds had been especially grievous, yet they all found it hard to keep her off of her feet. Her stubborn insistence to be useful was impressive and admirable.

Fai, however, was keeping to himself in his own bedroom of the apartment they were renting. Despite the fact that his empty eye socket no longer pained him, he felt too unwell to face everyone. For three days, he lay staring at the wall, or sleeping, only coming out at night when the rest were asleep to bathe and rummage through the fridge.

However, none of the food would satiate the hollow hunger ringing through him. Yes, it stopped his stomach from growling. Yes, it provided nutrition. But, it all lacked an element he now needed… and did not want to receive.

Tonight, he was staring at the contents of the fridge, his one blue right eye half-closed, his gaze distant, knowing anything there would be futile.

"If you're hot, we can turn up the air conditioner," a gruff but quiet voice said from behind him, "It wastes electricity to stand there, so they say around here."

Fai lowered his head, sighed, and closed the fridge as well as his eye. "Good evening, Kurogane," he said in a flat tone.

Kurogane flinched, as he had the previous time being addressed as such. He had never thought he would be shocked at the absence of being called those ridiculous nicknames Fai used to use. Kuro-tan, Kuro-sama, Kuro-pi, Kuro-rin… He had always told him to cut it out. But now that he had… it felt wrong. It felt like thinly-veiled malice. Malice which he knew he full-well deserved. He had never been one to feel guilty or linger on remorse… and yet, he had been feeling the sting of it all these days, and knew he would continue to for quite some time.

Kurogane, the usually proud and smartass ninja, uncharacteristically lowered his head, though maintaining his casual stance with his arms crossed and leaning against the doorway to the living room. "It's not doin' you much good… is it?"

"…No. It's not."

"…It's been too long. You've had stress so it drained you more. So…" He raised his head to look at Fai. "You need to drink."

Fai's hand, still gripping the handle for the fridge, squeezed tightly until his slender knuckles whitened. Kurogane could see this through the tension in the youthful yet ancient man's shoulders, hidden only partially by a white tanktop. "…I don't want to."

"…I know. But if you don't, you'll get weak an' sick, an' die."

"…I don't _not_ want to."

"…I know."

There was silence. A dense, suffocating silence. Neither of them wanted to break it. Both men stood utterly still, lest the swish of cloth or the fall of a foot or even too sharp a breath cut through it.

A car drove by. Its passing headlights caused light and shadow to move across the room, its distant engine humming quietly, then moderately, then quietly, then gone.

Finally, it was Kurogane who planted both feet on the floor, lowered his arms, and said matter-of-factly, "You're angry as hell with me. You should tell me how angry you are before it eats you up."

Fai shook his head, his blond hair swishing. His grip on the fridge handle was shaking harder.

The black-haired ninja, clad in a black t-shirt and jeans, strode forward while mentally flicking off his better judgment. "Just say it. It's not worth hiding like everything else you keep from us." He stopped four feet behind Fai.

The shorter man gritted his teeth, then whirled to face Kurogane. His past perpetual grin showed not a trace, and his eye was filled with far more pain than usual, the brow narrowed, his teeth bared with a guilty glint reflecting from one of his new fangs. "I hate you, Kurogane," he whispered in a hiss.

As expected as it was, it was still shocking for the ninja. And, he told himself, that was good; it should be. It should hurt. And somehow, despite all the insults they'd traded over their long journey together, it did. He closed his perpetually narrowed eyes… which were far less narrowed than they'd been in a very long time. "Good. What else? Should we go outside so you can go all-out on me?"

He heard the blow coming, and it took every ounce of willpower he had to fight his reflexes and not dodge it. The slap echoed off of the walls before he felt the stinging start in his cheek. Then he felt the tickle of blood beginning to form a droplet from a fingernail's impact point.

Kurogane opened his eyes, their lids still lowered, his scowl still minuscule compared to his usual. "…Is that all?"

Fai was breathing hard, both hands in fists, glaring into Kurogane's eyes, his face quivering from such an expression using atrophied muscles. Then, the mage sighed, lowering his head, his expression bitter and pained. "…It wasn't right of you."

"I know."

"Then why?"

Kurogane took his turn to sigh. "Didn't you hear that miserable pork-bun's annoying squealing? Can't you imagine the Princess's tears, or… that Syaoran's sorrow, if I'd have let you die? And…"

There was silence again. This time, Kurogane wanted to break it, but found himself stuck. It was too late; that last word had hung in the air heavily. Fai slowly looked up, looking worn out and miserable. "…I wasn't supposed to connect with any of you so much," he whispered desperately, his voice occasionally cracking into high-pitched intonation. "I wasn't supposed to… So it should have been allowed to end."

"Well, it didn't. Everyone's glad to still have you with 'em. So now you gotta stay that way." He stuck out his wrist toward Fai, veins pointed outward.

Fai shook his head hard, pushing Kurogane's hand aside. "No… I can't do it."

"It's my responsibility, magician. YOU'RE my responsibility. Only fair that I keep you from starving." His arm hung extended again.

"You can't make me do it," Fai said in a strained voice, eye lowered and face turned aside, brow creased.

"I know, I can't," Kurogane answered evenly, "I know it all too well. Or else you'd be doin' it by now."

Fai closed his eye tightly. "Then I refuse," he said quietly.

"…Alright," Kurogane answered, retracting his hand. "But I'm tellin' you right now. The instant you change your mind, day or night, you let me know. I won't refuse."

The vampire did not move, only his brow shaking at first. Then his nose flared slightly. Then his lower lip quivered a bit. Kurogane stood still, wondering if the man was about to cry. But then, the blond turned his face toward Kurogane, his eye slowly opening. It was now glowing amber, the pupil still round but pulsing in and out of slightly elliptical.

Kurogane remained as still as stone. Whatever was coming, he had agreed to, spoken or unspoken, whether attack or feeding. Slowly, Fai stepped closer, eye intently on him. As he drew nearer, Kurogane realized that he was zeroing in on the drop of blood sliding down his cheek, sniffing deeply.

The mage stopped inches from Kurogane, slowly reaching his hand toward the crimson droplet, his expression distant and needy, mouth slightly ajar. Then he stopped abruptly, retracting his hand and looking at it, eye narrowed in disgust and teeth gritted.

"An animal," he whispered with bitter shame, his hand clenching again into a fist, "You turned me into an animal…"

Kurogane shook his head. "No, you're just starving."

"…I'll continue to." Fai ran out of the kitchen past Kurogane, who remained still, staring at the air where the new vampire had been.

After hearing the door to Fai's bedroom close in the distance, Kurogane sighed, eyes closing. "…I'm a selfish bastard."


	2. Lost in Translation

Chapitre 125.2 – Lost in Translation

Author's Note: Heh, this is tougher to write than I thought; I'm doing my best to not get anyone out of character but I'm an emotional writer, so it's slightly forceful to get this as canon as possible… and I have to leave certain issues unresolved since they resolve later in the manga… That's haaaard! I like to resolve everything dangit! Well… gotta keep tryin'!

I actually went through hours of research and angsting in trying to decide on Fai's language… Details of my and others' ongoing research here (minus the spaces)... mangahelpers(dot)com/forums/showthread(dot)php?t=46337

I know that in the dub there's the French-sounding gibberish which fan-girls squee over. French, easy, but it's such a common language so it might be distracting for the many who can speak it. So I was going to use plain old Symbol Font for now. But that wouldn't work in this site's format. So I'll be at least temporarily using Finnish since that country's further north and uses more common font than Russian, another good possibility but many don't have the Cyrillic font.

So yeah, at a glance you're not meant to understand it right then and there. But if you're curious you can always copy-paste into Google Translator *wink*.

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While Syaoran and Kurogane were out working (and finding the job at the fast-food restaurant to be pleasant and boring respectively), Sakura was at the apartment attempting to exercise her wounded leg. They had bought a leg brace, and she had finally succeeded in adjusting it perfectly so there was only a little pain when she put weight on it.

"I can finally do more," she mused with determination, "Maybe I'll cook for everyone. This 'convenience food' is simple but has no soul to it."

She happily began to get ingredients together, but then stopped before starting the actual process, looking toward Fai's room and frowning. She had seen how miserable he had looked back in Tokyo, due to her pain, his maiming, the Syaoran situation… and quite likely from his new vampirism. The others had filled her in on it, and she felt terrible for him. She had given him his time without disturbing him, with only Mokona occasionally barging in on him.

But now she figured it was time to check on him; she worried for him, and knew that the best way to get out of depression was to focus on moving forward. So she limped down the small hallway and knocked lightly on the door. "Fai-san? It's Sakura."

There was silence. Then his voice answered, quietly and hollowly, "Sakuranen? ...Kyllä, tulee huoneeseen."

The girl looked puzzled, hesitating. She could not understand what Fai had said. Then she remembered that Mokona had had to accompany Syaoran and Kurogane so they could speak to and understand their customers, and they apparently were out of the little creature's range for translation. So she hesitated. Had she been given permission or not?

"Um… I'm coming in."

She hesitantly opened the door, peeking to look for any signs indicating she should with withdraw. But Fai was sitting on his bed, elbows propped on his thighs, looking at her with a hollow smile and his eye low-lidded.

She opened the door the rest of the way. "I hope I didn't wake you up… If so, I'm sorry."

He cocked his head, giving a small, slightly-embarrassed chuckle. "Heh ... Pelkään, emme voi ymmärtää toisiaan. Tämä voi saada sekava."

Sakura smiled and chuckled quietly herself. "I guess we can't understand each other." She reached down, pulling up part of her green apron which sported a couple of yellow birds on the upper part. Then she extended her hand invitingly toward Fai. "Would you like to help me cook?"

Fai understood the gesture. His mouth smiled but his eye frowned, his head lowering as he considered. He did not feel like doing anything. He was worried his roiling emotions would overflow if he were to spend too much time with any of his friends. However, he also knew that his slump was good for nobody, and the only way to pull out would be to do something, make himself useful, occupy his mind with something other than his troubles.

So finally, he stood and gave Sakura a small nod, his smile faint and tired but determined. "Te tiedätte, paras, Sakuranen. Olen tulossa."

Soon, they were both working on a complex stew, rolls, rice, and cookies, all from scratch. They gave each other suggestions on measurements with finger-counting and pointing to the right sized containers, still speaking so it felt natural despite the linguistic gap.

Then Sakura smirked and said, "Fai-san, purple apples eat fish if you don't give them pillows."

Fai cocked his head a bit, "Sakuranen, voi yhtä hyvin olla, että puiset kengät laulaa kappaleita noin värikynät." He was smirking too, with the slightest hint of mischief in his tired-looking eye.

"Well, I insist that ogres tell bed-time stories to trees."

"Pennut ajaa takaa jäätiköt kautta taivaalle."

They both chuckled, subdued but with momentary happiness. Both of them knew things about each other, and themselves, that kept them from the high-level antics they had both gotten into so many times before. But both also knew that the other was saying something funny without knowing a word of it. And they both needed something to feel pleasant about.

Soon they were both chopping vegetables, concentrating on their respective tasks. Then, Sakura jerked her head toward the stove. "Oh! I think the rice has been boiling too lon-- Ow!"

She had cut her finger. The girl quickly pulled it away so the blood wouldn't get all over the carrot. Fai kept his eyes on Sakura as he turned off the fire under the rice. "Oletko kunnossa?" he asked with concern.

She turned on the sink, running her finger under the cold water as she smiled ruefully and nodded to Fai. "I'm fine, thank you. It's not very deep. Heh, I know you well enough to know what you asked." Then she blinked with what seemed an internal revelation, and turned off the water. "Fai-san... You're supposed to be a vampire, right? Have you been even drinking any blood?"

Fai wasn't sure what she was asking, but suspected. He turned his attention to stirring the rice, which was a little soft but still acceptable.

Sakura stepped up to him and held her finger out near his mouth, a permissive expression on her face.

Fai looked toward her, then at the crimson liquid forming on her index finger, spread out by the water. He expected to feel his nagging hunger drive him toward it. But he was surprised to feel nothing more than he would have before his turning. No predatory instinct, no tunneling of his vision. Just concern that his friend had hurt herself.

It was a bit of a relief; at least now he knew that he would not attack any innocent bystanders if he got too desperate. And yet at the same time, it was also a bit angering. After all, it reminded him that Kurogane was his "game". Only Kurogane's blood could support his system, nobody else's. So of course it made no sense for Fai to be attracted to that of anyone else. But that only further connected him to that man...

He pushed away the thoughts with a sigh and a long blink, before focusing back on Sakura and shaking his head with a sad smile. "Kiitos, mutta se ei tee mitään hyvää. Vain... Kurogane."

Because their names were universal, Sakura understood the last one, and remembered what she had been told by Syaoran. She withdrew her finger, a bit embarassed. "Oh... I'm sorry. I forgot. I feel pretty ridiculous now."

Fai patted her head gently, causing her to look up and see a small smile of gratitude on his face. "Se on kunnossa. Olit yrittää auttaa. Hanki sormella käärittävä, Otan hoitaa asioita."

Sakura nodded gratefully. "Thank you. I'll be right back." She limped off toward the bathroom to tend to her finger.

Fai glanced over everything to make sure everything cooking would be alright for a little while, then he sank down to sit on the floor, his back against the counter cabinets, his head lowered and eye nearly closed. It was a good thing he was already pale in complexion, so she could not see how sallow he was. It had been difficult to hide his dizziness and fatigue for this long. He drew his breaths through his mouth.

_I can't keep going without that blood of his... But... damn it..._

By the time Sakura returned with a band-aid on her finger, Fai was back on his feet and grinning from over his shoulder, putting all the now finished vegetables into the pot of water. "Ahh, welcome back, Sakura-chan, I've finished up all the chopping."

She blinked, then smiled a bit. "Fai-san, I can understand you now. They must be on their way back."

"Oh, I guess so." He returned his gaze to the heating food, his eye holding reluctance and uncertainty. Part of him was glad that they, that Kurogane, was returning... and just as much, if not more, dreaded it.

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"Huhhhhhh, that sucked," the tall, broad-shouldered ninja sighed as he strode in, shoving his shoes off to the side near the doorway, still dressed in his red and light-blue work uniform.

"You did just fine, Kurogane-san," Syaoran assured him, placing his own shoes more neatly by hand, "I know this isn't your kind of job, but at least you're sticking with it."

"Damn right it's not my kinda thing," the older man sighed, unbuttoning his shirt as he headed for his room, "Boring as hell, an' half those customers might as well be beggin' me to wring their necks." He closed the door, his complaints muffled but still audible from the outside.

"Sakura! Fai!" Mokona mewed happily, bounding toward the kitchen, "We're home! Ooh, Mokona smells something great! Not like all that yucky grease Mokona smells all day!"

"Welcome back," Sakura said with a smile to the little white creature as it snuggled against her chest. "It's good for us all to be together again." She seemed distant as she said this, and Syaoran lowered his head from just past the doorway.

Mokona then gasped and looked up. "Fai! You're out here too! Yaaaay!" Mokona bounced to his arms for a turn cuddling him. The magician delivered the gesture with a small smile, eye closed as they connected warmly. "Mokona was worried you would never come out!"

"Heh... No, I'm out now. And I'll spend more time with you all now. Things need to return to normal... Or at least, as close as they can be now."

The wistfulness of this statement was lost on nobody. They were all silent, and all their eyes lowered to the floor. Even Kurogane's distant complaints were now silent.

But then Sakura raised her head and said hopefully, "Well, we can start by getting ready for dinner. It's almost ready. Fai-san and I did our best with all the different ingredients and materials here, so I hope it turned out alright."

"I'm sure it will be great," Syaoran said, brave enough to give her eye-contact and a sincere smile.

She smiled slightly back, looking grateful, yet also distant. "Thank you."

Fai sighed silently, as always containing the painful truth between the two youngsters in a seal of silence. Keeping secrets was a painful and lonely thing. And he had so many...


	3. Lost Silence

Phew, sorry for the long absence, folks. Life's been busy and hectic. But with the new year comes new inspiration. The challenge of this story is the fact that the Japanese tend to be a lot more reserved and private about issues between others. So I had to restrain my usually very-open writing in order to keep with CLAMP's style, and the general Japanese flavor.

And then, I had to blow that outta the water on purpose. ;) Of course it was a reserved, controlled explosion, but still, I took care to make it shocking on a Japanese social level, while still keeping the reins tight. I hope I managed that at least; it was my intention.

(Heh... With my "Lost ___" naming theme here, I could have quite easily put in another word there pertaining to a certain event... but that would be silly and this is meant to be serious, so... I won't. ;P )

I apologize if this one's not as interesting as one might hope. The next one will be where things take a big turn. Hopefully I'll get to it faster than I did this one. Thanks for so many encouraging reviews and comments, folks. I'm very glad that you enjoy this story, and will do my best to keep bringing it to you. Enjooooy!

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Chapitre 125.3 – Lost Silence

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The food was universally agreeable with everyone present, with Kurogane the only one taking a bit to adjust to using a fork on rice.

"Mmmm, this is delicious!" Mokona happily exclaimed, "I'll definitely be getting seconds!"

"It really is great," Syaoran said with a warm grin, looking between the two chefs, "And even just having a home-cooked meal to come home to is wonderful."

They both lowered their heads and eyes modestly while answering, "Thank you." Then they looked at each other and shared a small chuckle-and-grin at the coincidence.

Then Fai looked furtively at Kurogane, having felt his eyes sharply upon him. The tall man's ever-direct gaze seemed to be analyzing him. The mahogany eyes quickly closed and he grudgingly said, "Yeah, it's not bad I guess," and he promptly filled his mouth with another heaping bite of stew.

Fai was trying his best to eat at a normal pace, savoring the taste of the food, but it was taking every ounce of his will-power to avoid shoveling it all in frenetically. He was hungry, so hungry...

"So... how has the job been so far?" Sakura asked anyone who would answer.

"It sucks," Kurogane slid out, eager to release his frustration, "It's boring, repetitive, an' people around here don't have any patience at all."

"Heh, it does take quite a bit of patience to counteract it all," Syaoran added in with a rueful grin, "But at least it's a break from danger, and has been enough to pay for what we need, so it could have been worse. Although learning to work the register and computer have been quite a challenge."

Meanwhile, Fai was now eating far more rapidly than he had meant to allow himself to. Everyone slid their eyes over, noticing, but politely saying nothing about it.

"Umm," Sakura said, "Wow... It would be nice if I could help. It's still really hard to stay on my feet for very long... But if I get just a little better, I wouldn't mind helping out."

"Ooooh, not yet," Mokona exclaimed, waving Mokona's stubby little arms around and shaking Mokona's head vigorously, "Sakura should see everyone! Running around and around and around and around! Cooking and cleaning and pushing buttons BEEP BEEP BEEP!!! Sakura would get tired in one minute! Mokona gets exhausted just from watching!"

"Heh, oh, is that so?" she said with a small chuckle, and a small sigh.

The mage had already finished his seconds, and was working on a third serving. He was beginning to look ill, as if being forced at gun-point to eat beyond his capacity. Kurogane was eying him critically.

Mokona continued speaking adamantly. "Everyone has to hurry hurry hurry! People want their food right now now now! And so much grease in the air! Mokona will need five baths to wash it all out!"

Fai seemed to be wilting, his face pale with nausea. He could no longer bring himself to chew his food, his stomach unable to contain any more. Yet even with saliva-soaked rice in his mouth, he was slowly lifting another fork-full...

Kurogane stood and slammed his hands on the tabletop, his chair toppling to the floor. Everyone's dishes clattered, and the children and Mokona jumped with startled yelps. Fai froze, then looked up. Kurogane's eyes were boring straight into him, narrowed, full of equal amounts of frustration, anger... and guilt.

"You've had enough, mage," he said intoned in a rough but quiet growl.

Fai lowered his head so that his hair covered his eye. Then his mouth forced a small smile. "No..." he said quietly, "I haven't." Something in him wanted to spite Kurogane further, so he began raising the utensil to his mouth again.

The ninja struck like black lightning, instantly kneeling on the table and grabbing the wizard's wrist. He used his thumb to activate a pressure-point in the wrist, causing the utensil to fall back onto the nearly-empty plate. The young-bodied old man looked up at Kurogane in shock.

"_I've_ had enough too," he growled.

Fai smirked, his brow narrowed. "Have you, now?" He leaned in close to Kurogane's face, acidly whispering, "Well, we can't always get what we want, can we?"

The young ones were shocked, silent, at this open display of bitterness. Usually, after Tokyo, both men had been reserved, polite at best and cold at worst. For them to lose control in the open like this was, despite their eventful lives, difficult to fathom.

It was Mokona who broke the tense silence. Mokona waddled close to Fai and looked up at him, quietly saying, "We don't want Fai to be sick..."

The wizard was quietly taken aback, looking at the little creature with his mouth slightly open, then glancing at the children. They slowly looked back up at him, nodding once each. Fai lowered his head... then covered his mouth and wordlessly vacated the dining area, sliding out down the hall and around the corner.

Kurogane sighed, and slowly backed up until he was standing on the floor again. "Sorry about that," he muttered, picking up his chair and setting it back at the table. He wanted to explain his actions, but decided against it; it would only bring more attention to an ugly issue. He walked out of the room, hands in his pockets.

Sakura looked at Syaoran, concerned. "...Fai-san's not drinking blood at all, is he?" she asked.

Syaoran was a bit startled at her directness... but this was Sakura, after all, even if she was so different after the events at Tokyo. He lowered his head, brow creased. "It seems that way... But I heard the deal that was made... There's nothing Kurogane-san can do to force him to."

Sakura lowered her head. "But... couldn't we--"

"Sakura-hime... Please excuse my manner of speaking, but... They're men. Warriors. This is an issue between the two of them. We have to give them their space and let them work it out."

She sighed, then nodded. "You're right... but if it goes on much longer, I'll have something to say, regardless. Because after all..." She looked at Syaoran sincerely, "They're also our friends."

Syaoran blinked, then lowered his head once more, expression pained at the many ways that phrase echoed through his being. "...Yeah..."

* * *

Fai panted and spat a few more times, shoulders heaving, as he held onto the toilet for support. He had hoped to only vomit the excess, but cruel reflex had forced him to lose all of the previously delicious dinner in ugly throes.

"You done wasting food?" the deep voice of Kurogane asked in a somehow non-sarcastic tone.

Fai's face whirled to face him, his eye narrowed and flashing gold for a moment, lips curled in an actual snarl. He was still shaking from the bodily trauma of throwing up. "Are you enjoying this?" he croaked bitterly.

"Not at all," Kurogane answered, eyes narrowing a bit more, arms crossed as they often were, leaning against the bathroom doorway. "Why else would I have tried to make you stop? You're drawing this shit out, and it's impossible to keep it quiet anymore."

Fai blinked, then turned his head away and down, closing his eyes, still bitter but now in smiling form. "...Yes... I guess I'm pitiful... Good. Ugly like this, repulsive, nobody will get too close anymore..."

Kurogane gripped the cloth of his black short sleeves, jaw tightening. It took all he had not to clobber some sense into the mage. "...You don't want to live, I get that," he growled, "But you said before that you can't go dying either. Does that mean anything to you anymore, whatever that reason is?"

Fai flushed the toilet, watching the water carry away what could not fulfill him. As it refilled the bowl, clear and clean, he remembered Ashura-ou, and the other, both also in water, both in waiting...

He had his orders. He had his wish. But were they worth what he was up against? It was difficult to believe that. He had been wavering in his previous certainty. And now he was expected to choose from various sorts of doom.

"...I don't know," he said quietly.

"You don't want others to get hurt from being around you," Kurogane observed, "That's selfish an' selfless at the same time, you know that?" He uncrossed his arms and stood squarely in the doorway, nearly taking up the whole opening. "The choice I made was the same. Not that I'm glorifying any of it. I knew this would suck. But I knew that the kids couldn't take losing you. You would have done _anything_ to save _them_, right?"

Fai was silent, his reflection showing a bit of reluctant agreement and revelation. But he dared not agree with Kurogane.

"Well, this was the same," the dark man concluded. "Hate me all you want. But think of the others too. If you're so hellbent on preserving 'em."

"...I wasn't supposed to--"

"There you go again. Well, I've got some news for ya, magician... They're close to ya whether you were supposed to let 'em or not. An' you can't do a damn thing to change that without hurting them now." He put his hands in his pockets again, and turned sideways in the door-frame. "I'll be in my room for a while. Make up your damned mind already."

He walked away, leaving Fai still sitting on the cold tile floor.

Slowly, the pale man pulled himself to his feet while hanging onto the sink. He gazed at his reflection. He truly was more pale than ever, his cheekbones jutting slightly, his eye developing a dark circle under it. This, he closed, lowering his head.

"Make up my mind, huh?" he whispered, "...Has it ever been mine to make up in the first place?"


End file.
